Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I Never knew my Mom
Do you ever walk outside and the air smells fresh? The birds are singing for the first time, at least to your recollection. You are suddenly alive to your surroundings. Everything you are now recording in your memory is new. Obviously, all the time that had passed did so while you were sleeping.
The conscious mind is a funny creature. Today we just go through the motions; life goes on all around us as though we weren't there with it. But then the day dawns, the birds start their choruses, and we find ourselves fully grown , but alive to life and it seems to notice us too. Maybe it already knew we were there, but we certainly didn't. Welcome to the land of the living. I guess I had to say all of this to help us understand that life goes on. With or without us, it goes on.
By the time I was old enough to know what was really happening in my life , and in the life of other members of my family, it was almost too late. My parents were all of a sudden filing for divorce. Had I been awake earlier I might have seen it coming. Seven siblings were now without their mother. Where did she go? Why was this a mystery? I still was not fully awake and life was still happening to me, but I could not really interact, but it dragged me kicking and screaming along with it and its awful plans for me; for all of us.
To cut this story down a bit, let me say that Mom was a great mother, but Dad had moved on. He had found someone younger and who could make him feel youthful again. What? Reroll the tape, but it's too late. I hated him because I didn't understand what he was doing. Years later I still couldn't see his objective. Why? His way of life was perpendicular to my young mindset, and always would be. This marriage lasted less than twenty years, mine has lasted all of forty and counting. I should really celebrate; no really!
I guess everyone's measure of success is a bit different from another person's. Dad got what he wanted out of life and we as children were just skateboards and bicycles, very much in his way, and a means to trip him up. He knew what he wanted out of his life and it didn't really include us, though he tried to convince himself that we all mattered to him. His actions destroyed his relationship with all of us, whether we all will admit to it or not.
I am full awake now and I never want to sleep again. I never want to be oblivious to my surroundings and those who are my family around me. I care dearly about them and we have a mutual regard for one another. No relationship is perfect and the tendency for a marriage is to grow apart not togehter. So it is something we all have to work at feverishly. The little outings, the date night outs, the special little cards and flowers we exchange, all contribute to keep alive the notion of a healthy union. A tight bond must be forged with our kids too. My dad never took me hunting or fishing; my uncle did! Now I take my daughter fishing with me. She loves it, well, all but the putting the worm on the hook part!
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