Everyone needs employment. I Hope I Get This Job by Don Ford

I was very nervous on my first interview for a job. I was hoping they would hire me.
"Come in, come in. Have a seat. I'm Bob, the manager of this store. And your name is... oh, I see it here. You're Joseph Blow, is that right?"
"Yeah, you can call me Joe Blow, everyone else does."
"Well, that's an interesting name. I won't ask you how you got it."
"I don't mind tellin' ya. My Ma fancies herself a poet of sorts. Get the rhyme?"
"Sure thing, Joe."
"Hey, it's OK to call me Joe Blow, my eight brothers and sisters all have nicknames. Want to hear them?"
"Actually I don't, but I would like to ask a few more questions."
"Shoot."
"What kind of work did you do before you came here looking for a job? There's nothing at all on this application about past work history."
"That's cuz I never worked a real job before this. I just took care of Gilly, Pepper, Suze, and Bubba."
"Are these the nicknames of some of your brothers and sisters?"
"Naw, did ya wannna hear their nicknames?"
"No, that's quite alright. Those names will do just fine." He and his secretary exchanged glances. By this time she was covering her mouth, like she was going to cough. Then a short giggle came out. "So, you had to take care of your younger siblings?"
"I don't know what siblings are, but I cared for my two baby brothers and my sister. Dad said he was going on a business trip and hasn't come back home yet. It's been ten years. That's a job I wouldn't ever want." At this point his secretary was having an awful time of it, and had to leave. Then there was an explosion of laughter in the other room.
"Did you say two brothers and a sister? I thought you named four of them."
"I did, but Pepper isn't a kid's name, everybody knows that. She's our pet boa constrictor."
"Did you say a snake? What do you feed him?"
"I don't feed him anything; he's a she. Pepper's a girl, and if you said boy in front of her, she would try to bite you. And for your information, she loves rats, and can eat two or three a day.?
"Wow, it must get expensive feeding her."
"Not really, our basement's full of them. Ever since we started tossing the garbage in that hole, they keep coming around - dozen's of them."
"You really should recycle that garbage."
"What do you think we're doing? We're feeding the rats the garbage 'til they get good and fat, and then we feed them to our snake."
"I see!" The manager looked around for the secretary; she was nowhere in sight.
"I think our interview is over, and I have your number to call if I chose to hire you. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, I will have chosen another candidate for the position. Thank you for applying."
"Oh, it was my pleasure."
~The next day my phone rang and it was the store owner.~
"Sorry, Joe Blow, but I found another candidate for the position. However, I spoke with Mr. Smithson down the block. He is looking for someone just like you. I think you have the job, but no need to thank me. Just give him a call or stop over."
"What kind of work will I be doing?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you? He owns a pet shop and has two dozen snakes. He really could use your help."
"Well, that sounds great."
"He did have one request."
"Name it."
"Can you bring a few dozen rats with you?"
Author Notes: I hate going on interviews. It has been a while since I had to change jobs, but here I am again. I am out of work, just in time for this interview prompt.
Everyone needs employment.
ReplyDeleteI Hope I Get This Job
by Don Ford

I was very nervous on my first interview for a job. I was hoping they would hire me.
"Come in, come in. Have a seat. I'm Bob, the manager of this store. And your name is... oh, I see it here. You're Joseph Blow, is that right?"
"Yeah, you can call me Joe Blow, everyone else does."
"Well, that's an interesting name. I won't ask you how you got it."
"I don't mind tellin' ya. My Ma fancies herself a poet of sorts. Get the rhyme?"
"Sure thing, Joe."
"Hey, it's OK to call me Joe Blow, my eight brothers and sisters all have nicknames. Want to hear them?"
"Actually I don't, but I would like to ask a few more questions."
"Shoot."
"What kind of work did you do before you came here looking for a job? There's nothing at all on this application about past work history."
"That's cuz I never worked a real job before this. I just took care of Gilly, Pepper, Suze, and Bubba."
"Are these the nicknames of some of your brothers and sisters?"
"Naw, did ya wannna hear their nicknames?"
"No, that's quite alright. Those names will do just fine." He and his secretary exchanged glances. By this time she was covering her mouth, like she was going to cough. Then a short giggle came out. "So, you had to take care of your younger siblings?"
"I don't know what siblings are, but I cared for my two baby brothers and my sister. Dad said he was going on a business trip and hasn't come back home yet. It's been ten years. That's a job I wouldn't ever want." At this point his secretary was having an awful time of it, and had to leave. Then there was an explosion of laughter in the other room.
"Did you say two brothers and a sister? I thought you named four of them."
"I did, but Pepper isn't a kid's name, everybody knows that. She's our pet boa constrictor."
"Did you say a snake? What do you feed him?"
"I don't feed him anything; he's a she. Pepper's a girl, and if you said boy in front of her, she would try to bite you. And for your information, she loves rats, and can eat two or three a day.?
"Wow, it must get expensive feeding her."
"Not really, our basement's full of them. Ever since we started tossing the garbage in that hole, they keep coming around - dozen's of them."
"You really should recycle that garbage."
"What do you think we're doing? We're feeding the rats the garbage 'til they get good and fat, and then we feed them to our snake."
"I see!" The manager looked around for the secretary; she was nowhere in sight.
"I think our interview is over, and I have your number to call if I chose to hire you. If you don't hear from me by tomorrow, I will have chosen another candidate for the position. Thank you for applying."
"Oh, it was my pleasure."
~The next day my phone rang and it was the store owner.~
"Sorry, Joe Blow, but I found another candidate for the position. However, I spoke with Mr. Smithson down the block. He is looking for someone just like you. I think you have the job, but no need to thank me. Just give him a call or stop over."
"What kind of work will I be doing?"
"Oh, didn't I tell you? He owns a pet shop and has two dozen snakes. He really could use your help."
"Well, that sounds great."
"He did have one request."
"Name it."
"Can you bring a few dozen rats with you?"
Author Notes: I hate going on interviews. It has been a while since I had to change jobs, but here I am again. I am out of work, just in time for this interview prompt.